Saturday, April 12, 2014

The Arab Boy and his Mother

There is a special connection between many boys and their mothers just as there is a special connection between girls and their fathers. A famous proverb: "كل فتاة بأبيها معجبة" this translates to: Every girl is fond of her father.

The connection between the boy and his mother and later the man and his mother is a beautiful relationship, but sometimes it can become unhealthy relationship. Especially when the boy cannot act as a man because he needs his mother to help him make decisions. Involving our parents in decision making is not always a bad idea; after all, they do have a lot more experience than we do. In addition to that, it is something you cannot run away from in Arab society; it is inevitable.

Don't get me wrong; I am not against strong mother-son relationships; on the contrary, I believe that sons who have strong relationships with their mothers are more well mannered and sensitive than other guys. We all know that mothers are very sensitive, so a son that is very close to his mother will learn to treat her in a kind, loving manner. If he sees her cry, he may also begin to tear. That is a trait some women may seek in men; well at least I do.

So when does this lovely relationship ruin the man himself?

(This is my own personal opinion, you are free to disagree)

When the man can no longer make decisions on his own. In a person's lifetime, there are decisions which they should take alone (again something hard as an Arab in general). Some men regularly turn to their mothers to make a decision for them. Getting another opinion is not bad, but they should go by their own opinions sometimes. If a man doesn't make his own decisions based on his own opinions for quite some time, he will no longer have an opinion (metaphorically speaking). He will no longer care for his own opinion and will always ask for the opinions of the people around him which may not be in his favour.  Decisions about travelling, trade, careers, marriage/divorce, lifestyle...etc. should be made based on what is best for a person, and sometimes parents will not know what is the best for their adult children.

Many men cannot solve their own problems. They get themselves into some sort of problem and then they ask their mothers to deal with it for them. Grown adults should be able to deal with the consequences of their words and actions, when they throw this burden upon someone else, they are in the same league as children. Again, sometimes help is needed to solve a problem, and sometimes the problem is too big to be dealt with by one person, but getting help is one thing, and leaving it for someone else to take care of is another thing. A little boy spills his milk and runs away waiting for his mother to clean it, while a man asks his mother where the mop is and comes back to clean his own spill.

These are a few problems with the Arab man today. Certainly, the exact opposite, where he has no respect for his mother is not acceptable either; moderation is the key. "خير الأمور اوسطها"

May Allah bless our relationships with our parents and fill them with mercy and love <3